Gen-Xers

People make mistakes.  It’s part of our nature.  We’re only human, right?

But what if some of the mistakes we make could have been prevented by more or different interactions with our parents?

For example, young people today (17, sometimes younger, up to about age 32) don’t spend enough “quality time” with their parents.  Period.  It’s a well-known fact.  Why?  Well, a couple of big reasons:

1)  Mommy and Daddy want to be friends with little Jane or little Johnny.  You read that right… friends.  Not friendly.  Friends.  And even better if they are best friends.  BFFs, if you will.

2)  Mommy and Daddy are so busy making a name for themselves online (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, and so on) that the little ones, Janey and Johnny, fall by the wayside and become victims by neglect. 

You cannot, and should not be friends with your children until they become adults.  Cannot and should not.  Why?  Because friends don’t tend to set boundaries or guidelines for each other.  It’s just not something they do.  On that rare occasion when we “call someone out” on bad/annoying/rude behavior, that’s a different story.  Parents, on the other hand, should always set boundaries and guidelines for their children.  Always.  We have rules for a reason:  Safety.  Pretty much the same reason we have laws:  Safety.

The online time?  Well, that’s an easy one.  Put down the iPhone / tablet / Smartphone, or whatever handheld device you have, turn it off (not on vibrate or silent mode), and actually talk to and be present with your children.  I don’t know how many times during the day that young people just don’t talk to each other.  They are so focused on posting a Status Update to their Facebook pages, or uploading their latest Selfies to Facebook/Instagram, so focused that they just missed that flock of geese actually flying in a “V” formation, just like they learned about in school.  From a book, most likely.

I don’t know how many times I’ve been on the commuter train here in Portland (aka Max trains) and been inundated by strollers with crying babies wanting, no requiring attention from mommy.  Seems like it is usually the mommy.  But, nope, mommy can’t be bothered to actually put down her device (Smartphone, iPod, etc.) and pick up her crying little one because the device is sooo much more important.  Seriously?  You actually gave birth, in most cases, to that little one and you can’t take 5 minutes to actually pick him/her up for some cuddling.  Wow.

Another thing not completely unrelated:  No.  That’s right. The word no.  Young people are so entitled and arrogant these days, it’s as if mommy and daddy never used the word “No” in their kid’s presence.  Just let little Janey or Johnny do whatever she/he wants with no consequences.  As young adults (again 17 to early 30s) that translates into arrogant and entitled behaviors. 

They expect to be treated a certain way because that’s how their parents always treated them.  Always “Yes”, and never, “No.”  And it doesn’t have to be shouted at the little ones, but it does have to be said like you mean it.  It can’t be, “No, you can’t do that. LOL”. Nope, a kid will see right through that and milk it for all it’s worth. 

“No” has to have some punch behind it, some firm force so that the child gets the message the first time.  Oh, and in front of the child, not from across the room, “Don’t make me come over there!”  You get the idea.

I’ve heard from some young people and their parents that these young people are, “only trying to assert themselves on the world.”  Asserting oneself is one thing, but the ways in which they are doing so make them come across as arrogant, rude, and entitled… in no particular order. 

My advice, and it seems to be catching on, is this:  Disconnect from your devices, log OUT of Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and so on, and actually talk to each other and the adults in the world. 

And, YES, as a matter of fact, you will survive without Facebook and the other sites just fine.  No one has ever died as a result of leaving Facebook/Twitter/Instagram.  EVER.

Happiness Is A Warm Blanket... And My Smartphone.

 It seems as though we just can’t leave our homes without this particular security blanket. 

Some folks even go as far as to say that they can’t “survive” without it.  How did we get to this place?  And how do we get back home?

Oh sure, they’re handy little devices for helping us form some sort of order out of the chaos that is our lives, but really, how did we get to this place?

Many young people have isolated themselves to the point where they can’t talk to strangers on the bus, or the commuter train without their Smartphone in their hands.  Why is that?  Well, it’s simple, really.  They require some sort of security, something that makes them feel safe. 

Has the world really gotten that bad?   Well, yes, in some areas it has. 

It saddens me greatly when I see young people in their 20s and 30s standing together in a group of what appears to be their friends, and they’re all looking down at their devices.  Not talking, not sharing a laugh, not enjoying the blue sky, the flowers, the trees, nope, none of that. 

What are they doing?  Punching the keys and internal keyboards and number pads of their devices, send text messages to one another.  Not a word, not a sound uttered.

And again, how did we get to this point?  Mommy and Daddy never, not once talked to these kids when the kids were very young, therefore, the kids (now adults, well, in theory) don’t know how to talk to other adults.  It’s that simple. 

Does a finger need to be pointed?  Yes, in fact, it does.  If a young person has earbuds in his ears and a smartphone in his hands, that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s multitasking and listening to music and texting at the same time.  Usually, it means he doesn’t want to talk to anyone, but rather just text his friends.  Mindless?  Well, yes, obviously.

Why not put the smartphone down at talk?  Because it means interaction with another, unknown adult, the ones that Mommy and Daddy told him not to talk to.  Again, big mistake.  Is this true 100% of the time for 100% of the young people? No, only 95%.

See, when he was very young, his Mommy and Daddy wanted to bring him up “right”, not the way they were raised.  That means, Mommy and Daddy wouldn’t allow him or make him do anything he didn’t want to do because they didn’t want to deal with tantrums, crying, sobbing, cleaning under his fingernails if he happened to get in the mud, and so on.  Therefore, Junior didn’t really get to be a kid and live.  Hmm, do you see a pattern here??

I don’t own a smartphone; never have, and never will.  That’s by my own design.

Is it too late for this generation?  No, there’s still hope, but they need to retrain themselves to actually put down their devices and make an effort to engage other adults.

Are the devices to blame?  No, the kids just need to use some discretion, some self-restraint, some will-power.  Otherwise, the next generation will be born completely mute and be unable to talk.  Well, maybe not the next generation, but it will happen in time.

So, yes, the next time you leave the safe, comfort of your home, your domain, your boy- or girl-cave, rethink leaving your smartphone at home and taking one small step.  I promise you the world will continue to revolve around the sun, and rotate on its axis.  (It’s a science-y term.  Google it!)