I don't know exactly when it ended, but I think it was right around Thanksgiving 2013. We'd known each other since 1998, when we met up in my home, had a few beers and became fast friends.
Then, less than 2 years later, I did something horrible, unspeakable, not directly to my new friend and not to my family, but nonetheless it was something that would forever change my life and those in my little universe.
Now, 17 years later, it was over with.
I understood completely why, too. I'd gone from being very outgoing, fun-loving, full-of-life to this sad, pathetic, shell of a man, suffering every day from depression.
I'm not a victim; far from it. I absolutely take full responsibility for that which I caused, that thing that now kept people away.
I wish things were different; I really do. *sigh*
Nobody wanted to be around. Hell, I didn't want to be around me; that's how bad it is.
I hate where I'm living, so, I am doing what I can to save money in order to make a down payment on a house later this year... hopefully. This place has gone from being very safe and nurturing to one filled with drug abusers, liars, enablers and psychopaths.
Every day I look at my neighbors and wonder, "Who the hell are these people???"
I'm not perfect; far from it, but I also don't enable, use drugs or lie.
Depression is my issue and mine alone. Do others out there also live with it? Absolutely, but it's not a badge-of-honor, it's a sentence.
I know why my one-time friend doesn't want to spend time with me: Because I'm not the person I was when we first met. And it's not about changing. It's about that I didn't change for the better, just older and worse.
I guess if someone doesn't answer your email after a couple of weeks or take your phone calls after a few days it's probably time to wash your hands of them and move on.
Perhaps?
Then, less than 2 years later, I did something horrible, unspeakable, not directly to my new friend and not to my family, but nonetheless it was something that would forever change my life and those in my little universe.
Now, 17 years later, it was over with.
I understood completely why, too. I'd gone from being very outgoing, fun-loving, full-of-life to this sad, pathetic, shell of a man, suffering every day from depression.
I'm not a victim; far from it. I absolutely take full responsibility for that which I caused, that thing that now kept people away.
I wish things were different; I really do. *sigh*
Nobody wanted to be around. Hell, I didn't want to be around me; that's how bad it is.
I hate where I'm living, so, I am doing what I can to save money in order to make a down payment on a house later this year... hopefully. This place has gone from being very safe and nurturing to one filled with drug abusers, liars, enablers and psychopaths.
Every day I look at my neighbors and wonder, "Who the hell are these people???"
I'm not perfect; far from it, but I also don't enable, use drugs or lie.
Depression is my issue and mine alone. Do others out there also live with it? Absolutely, but it's not a badge-of-honor, it's a sentence.
I know why my one-time friend doesn't want to spend time with me: Because I'm not the person I was when we first met. And it's not about changing. It's about that I didn't change for the better, just older and worse.
I guess if someone doesn't answer your email after a couple of weeks or take your phone calls after a few days it's probably time to wash your hands of them and move on.
Perhaps?
