Kindergarten Kapers!

Head lice and the Salon Treatment

One of the very fun parts about teaching is that you get to meet so many really nice, cool people, both adults and children.  Some of the children grow up to be Afghan war heroes, some grow up to be Receptionists at local car dealerships, some grow up to be famous authors and artists, and still others grow up to be that which they aspired to be in Kindergarten… a worker at the local Dairy Queen.

This particular story doesn’t involve any of those children, even though those kids actually were students of mine at one time or another.

No, in this story, children are involved, but it also includes one of my very favorite people, a Kindergarten teacher named Leslie; we called her, “Lester.”

Head lice are rampant in any school setting, public or private.  There’s just no escaping it, no matter how many times you bathe and wash your hair.

It’s just a fact of life, like taxes and love.

On this particular day we were told by our building principal that we needed to briefly discuss a parent letter that was to be sent home that afternoon.  The letter contained information about which treatments worked best, how long to leave the formula on your child’s scalp, checking for nits, eggs, and so on.  Pretty straight-forward stuff.

The following day, wouldn’t ya know it; two bright-eyed youngsters came hopping and skipping into Leslie’s classroom ready for a big day of fun and learning.  Following the morning announcements, the children gathered in a circle at the front of the room to briefly chat about last night and what they were going to learn that day. 

The topic of head lice came up and the group had a very lively discussion.  No sooner did the little ones break into their usual groups then two girls, we’ll call them Janey and Sally, decided they needed to go use the restroom.

They were gone for what seemed like hours, but were actually only out of the classroom for about 10 minutes.  When they returned, both Janey and Sally, holding hands, skipped into the room.

Leslie, turned, and just gasped.  She was beside herself. 

Her two young charges had taken a shampoo bottle into the restroom, dampened their hair and put what appeared to be a half cup of shampoo into each other’s hair.  Oh, and they worked it into a good lather, too!

Poor Leslie.  You could tell she was just fuming.  Her eyes got big, nostrils flared, and she glared at the two little darlings.

“We do not shampoo our hair at school!!!”

Well, as you can imagine, the smiles instantly left Janey’s and Sally’s faces as they were marched over to the sink where they took turns holding their heads down and having the shampoo rinsed out.  They were each given a rather large handful of paper towels to use for drying their hair.

Thankfully for our two young hooligans, the weather was nice that day, and yet they still left the room for recess with their heads hung low.

Their mommies were less-than-thrilled about their girls at-school beauty salon experience, and assured Leslie that there wouldn’t be a repeat of this little stunt any time soon!

I’m Not Very Worldly…

I’m not very worldly,

I’m not very cool,

I’m not very sharp,

But quite often the fool.

I could do better,

I could try more,

I could be someone,

But get kicked to the floor.

I’m not much to look at,

Not the least debonair,

I often get tongue-tied,

And easily scared.

(*)

Love me because you want to,

Love me because you can.

Love me because I’m important to you,

Love me because I’m your man.

I’m not very worldly,

I’m not very cool,

I’m not very sharp,

But quite often the fool. (*)

(second time through)

And never, ever a tool.

Service Animals, Companion Animals, and Pets

At what point did some genius decide that, sure, it’s okay for dogs and cats to come into the grocery store with me?

Oh, sure, we love out pets as though they were family members, but they are still animals.  It doesn’t matter if it’s a Service animal, Companion animal, or a pet.

No, it’s not okay, and in fact, it is a terrible idea.  Do you not have a single clue as to the germs that canines carry?

The grocery store incident actually happened, one morning in early December, 2013. 

I was strolling down the aisles, pushing my cart and noticed a 40ish woman and her white, fluffy dog.  Oh, yes, the dog was on a leash, but I couldn’t believe how casual the woman was, as though bringing Poopsie (that’s not the dog’s real name) with her to the store was the most natural thing in the world.

I asked her why the dog was with her, and why she’d felt the need to bring her dog into the store.

“He’s lonely, and I didn’t want him to be alone.”

I suggested leaving him at home, tying him up outside the store, or leaving him with a trusted friend.

“Oh, no, I could never do that.  He’s my baby.” 

I moved on because I could see that she was too far gone with her dog. 

I came across not one, not two, but four more women with various sized dogs, all on leashes (the dogs, not the women) during my shopping trip.  I tried to have similar conversations with them, simply pointing out that hygienically, this was a bad idea on their parts.  I shrugged my shoulders, gave a heavy sigh, and just quickly finished my shopping.

So, who is really to blame here?  Well, first the irresponsible dog owners for thinking this was a good idea, but secondly, the politicians that wrote the A.D.A. law, prohibiting merchants from inquiring as to the nature of the animal in the first place.

Apparently, a store owner, transit (bus, light rail train) employee, and others are not allowed to “question” these animal owners as it might keep their disability status from being anonymous.

If you have a “Service” animal, it helps specifically with your disability, i.e., seeing-eye dogs, helper monkeys, and so on.

A “Companion” animal is specifically for aiding with your diagnosis, i.e., chronic depression, anxiety, etc.  Typically, these animals help calm the person down, and assist with those types of issues.

“Pets”, well, that’s a pretty easy one; these are the animals that we take into our lives and consider them to be family members.

Service animals provide a service for their owners.

Companion animals act as companions primarily for comfort.

Owners of both Service and Companion animals should be required to have a vest, collar, or other indicator on their animals at all times.  The only “stigma” associated with these are the ones that the owners of these animals place on themselves.

Think about others first.

Slackers, and Saggers, and Drag Queens. Oh my!

Slackers can sag, but rarely do drag,
And saggers can slack but not with handbags.
Drag Queens can slack but they never sag,
And slackers can drag but not when they sag.

Now, Drag Queens can slack,
If they have the knack,
Although not in a garbage sack colored jet black.

Saggers can do drag,
Wave a rainbow flag,
But not after the red-eye flight with jet lag.

Slackers can do drag,
Make puppy tails wag,
Not when they’ve sprayed themselves all over with Tag.

Slackers can slack,
Saggers they sag,
Drag Queens can do drag, wave flags with jet lag…
… the Drag Queens, not the flags!

However, if the flags came from Singapore, 
And arrived at a quarter to four, they’d have jet lag,
And for sure, start to sag.

Fantasia's Dance of the Hours!

...and if you listen carefully, you can hear,"Hello Muddah. Hello Faddah. Here I am at Camp Granada."

Fantasia's Mushroom Dance

It's actually called the "Chinese Dance", not "China Dance". And in this case, it's more widely known as "The Mushroom Dance."