End Of An Era

I don't know exactly when it ended, but I think it was right around Thanksgiving 2013.  We'd known each other since 1998, when we met up in my home, had a few beers and became fast friends.

Then, less than 2 years later, I did something horrible, unspeakable, not directly to my new friend and not to my family, but nonetheless it was something that would forever change my life and those in my little universe.

Now, 17 years later, it was over with.  

I understood completely why, too.  I'd gone from being very outgoing, fun-loving, full-of-life to this sad, pathetic, shell of a man, suffering every day from depression.

I'm not a victim; far from it.  I absolutely take full responsibility for that which I caused, that thing that now kept people away.  

I wish things were different; I really do. *sigh*

Nobody wanted to be around.  Hell, I didn't want to be around me; that's how bad it is.

I hate where I'm living, so, I am doing what I can to save money in order to make a down payment on a house later this year... hopefully.  This place has gone from being very safe and nurturing to one filled with drug abusers, liars, enablers and psychopaths.  

Every day I look at my neighbors and wonder, "Who the hell are these people???"

I'm not perfect; far from it, but I also don't enable, use drugs or lie.  

Depression is my issue and mine alone.  Do others out there also live with it?  Absolutely, but it's not a badge-of-honor, it's a sentence.

I know why my one-time friend doesn't want to spend time with me:  Because I'm not the person I was when we first met.  And it's not about changing.  It's about that I didn't change for the better, just older and worse.

I guess if someone doesn't answer your email after a couple of weeks or take your phone calls after a few days it's probably time to wash your hands of them and move on.

Perhaps?

In My Wildest Dreams

In my wildest dreams, I never could have imagined our paths would cross again.

It had been 12 years since I held his little hands in mine.

If I close my eyes really tight, I can almost hear his tiny voice saying my name, "Daddy."

It was like another lifetime ago, all those years. I don't even remember what kept him away:  

Something I'd done?

Perhaps.

I'd forgotten what he looked like, his scent as I hugged him, his heart beating.

I could vaguely make out his silhouette at the end of the block.

As we approached one another, made eye contact, and then just the hint of a smile at the corner of his mouth. 

Somehow deep down inside I knew all those years, all those bad feelings would just melt away as we shook hands.

Then he spoke, "Dad, it's good to see you."

End Of The Rainbow

When we think of a rainbow, we tend to think of a pot of gold at one end of it… and, just maybe a leprechaun carefully guarding it!

In another sense, the rainbow can be thought of as a journey, or a path along which we travel daily in our lives.  It may be a favorite destination such as a coffee shop, a little boutique, a neighborhood park, or even a special person in your life.

Milestones is our lives can be considered pots of gold such as our first tentative steps, our first words, learning to tie our shoes, using the potty, Kindergarten graduation, High School graduation, college graduation, and so on.  Once we achieve them, and after we’ve sufficiently celebrated our pot of gold, we sit quietly, deep in thought, and put pen to paper to write down our next goal.

Depending on your perception, the rainbow’s end might be something as simple as meeting up with an old friend with whom you share a history.  Having a cup of coffee and a snack, going for a walk, or just sitting and reminiscing about “the good old days.”

For me, it’s spending time with someone special: A neighbor, a close friend, a therapist or counselor; those quiet moments with deep feelings are the ones I cherish most these days.  New memories upon which I can build new experiences, new sights, new sounds, a feast for the senses.

As Dorothy sings, “If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow,

                                    Why, oh why, can’t I?”

You can.   

Get out there and find your rainbow’s end.

The Teddy Bear Unit

All teachers, even college and university professors have a favorite unit of study that’s like a pet-project for them.  At the elementary/grade-school level it might be a unit on Teddy Bears, or Dinosaurs, or Space, or even Cats.  Those units are usually referred to as “Teddy Bear” units because the teacher just loves the time spent teaching and imparting that knowledge on to the youngsters in his charge.

The unit doesn’t tend to contain any great secrets or even lots and lots heavy academic skills or principles.  Oh, sure, there are actual objectives (The student will learn to spell the names of 2 dinosaurs; the student will learn the names, in order, of the 8 planets in our Solar System, and so on.), but the theme throughout remains the same:  Teddy Bears.  Or Space.  Or Dinosaurs.

Typically the unit includes a lesson or two about the origin of Teddy Bears (Theodore Roosevelt), various bears from around the world, films (DVDs nowadays), how-to-draw a Teddy Bear, for the very young perhaps bear-shaped pancakes or created-a-bear-face cookies, and even a writing lesson about, “How To Be A Beary Good Friend!”  This last one, of course, would be done in a blank bear shaped book, whereby the students decorate their book covers after they’ve written their bear stories. 

Oh, and let’s not forget the “Bring-Your-Bear-To-School” day as a culminating activity.  This would, naturally, include a Teddy Bears’ Picnic and bear-themed foods as well.  Teddy Grahams come to mind!

In recent years the Teddy Bear unit has fallen by the wayside as the primary focus in education at all levels is on testing, how-to-take tests, practice tests, how to proctor tests, peer testing, how-to-do various types of tests questions (typically long before the child is ready for such material.), and lastly, how to deal with “test taking anxiety.”

Solution(s) to that problem?  Oh, there are lots of ways in which we can help youngsters become more comfortable taking tests, namely, reminding them that’s it’s simply another form of practice, but bottom line, those tests, exams, quizzes, story problems, multiple choice questions, fill-in-the-blanks, and other types of testing items aren’t going away any time soon.

My personal suggestion, let kids be kids, and monitor their daily work. That’s the best way to see how they are really doing in school.  Oh, and talk to them about specific things they did in school today, i.e., what game(s) did you play at recess, did you color another pretty picture for mommy and daddy, did you share a toy with a friend today, did you say something nice to someone today.

They are perfectly imperfect little creatures.  Hug them, kiss them, and tell them that you love them each and every day!  That’s the Teddy Bear way! 

Thaddeus J. Bear

Love Is For The Young Ones...

Love is for the young ones,                      

The innocent and sweet.

If you should get lucky, he’ll

Sweep you off your feet.

When I came out so long ago,

I yearned to feel some love;

I don’t know what I’d done wrong, just

Wanted help from above.

Every day and everywhere,

I see young guys in pairs.

If I try to do those things, I

Get only disapproving stares.

Oh, love is for the young ones,

The innocent and sweet;

If you should get lucky, he’ll

Just sweep you off your feet.

When I go out for a walk,

In any part of town;

I see happy young gay boys,

It really brings me down.

That’s the kind of love I want,

A yearning deep inside;

I try to put up a happy front,

But get taken for a ride.

Oh, love is for the young ones, 

The innocent and sweet.

If you should get lucky, someday

He’ll sweep you off your feet.

Happiness Is A Warm Blanket... And My Smartphone.

 It seems as though we just can’t leave our homes without this particular security blanket. 

Some folks even go as far as to say that they can’t “survive” without it.  How did we get to this place?  And how do we get back home?

Oh sure, they’re handy little devices for helping us form some sort of order out of the chaos that is our lives, but really, how did we get to this place?

Many young people have isolated themselves to the point where they can’t talk to strangers on the bus, or the commuter train without their Smartphone in their hands.  Why is that?  Well, it’s simple, really.  They require some sort of security, something that makes them feel safe. 

Has the world really gotten that bad?   Well, yes, in some areas it has. 

It saddens me greatly when I see young people in their 20s and 30s standing together in a group of what appears to be their friends, and they’re all looking down at their devices.  Not talking, not sharing a laugh, not enjoying the blue sky, the flowers, the trees, nope, none of that. 

What are they doing?  Punching the keys and internal keyboards and number pads of their devices, send text messages to one another.  Not a word, not a sound uttered.

And again, how did we get to this point?  Mommy and Daddy never, not once talked to these kids when the kids were very young, therefore, the kids (now adults, well, in theory) don’t know how to talk to other adults.  It’s that simple. 

Does a finger need to be pointed?  Yes, in fact, it does.  If a young person has earbuds in his ears and a smartphone in his hands, that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s multitasking and listening to music and texting at the same time.  Usually, it means he doesn’t want to talk to anyone, but rather just text his friends.  Mindless?  Well, yes, obviously.

Why not put the smartphone down at talk?  Because it means interaction with another, unknown adult, the ones that Mommy and Daddy told him not to talk to.  Again, big mistake.  Is this true 100% of the time for 100% of the young people? No, only 95%.

See, when he was very young, his Mommy and Daddy wanted to bring him up “right”, not the way they were raised.  That means, Mommy and Daddy wouldn’t allow him or make him do anything he didn’t want to do because they didn’t want to deal with tantrums, crying, sobbing, cleaning under his fingernails if he happened to get in the mud, and so on.  Therefore, Junior didn’t really get to be a kid and live.  Hmm, do you see a pattern here??

I don’t own a smartphone; never have, and never will.  That’s by my own design.

Is it too late for this generation?  No, there’s still hope, but they need to retrain themselves to actually put down their devices and make an effort to engage other adults.

Are the devices to blame?  No, the kids just need to use some discretion, some self-restraint, some will-power.  Otherwise, the next generation will be born completely mute and be unable to talk.  Well, maybe not the next generation, but it will happen in time.

So, yes, the next time you leave the safe, comfort of your home, your domain, your boy- or girl-cave, rethink leaving your smartphone at home and taking one small step.  I promise you the world will continue to revolve around the sun, and rotate on its axis.  (It’s a science-y term.  Google it!)