My Bucket List

I started a “bucket list” a few days ago.  And while I was typing, it occurred to me that nothing on the list was of any consequence to anyone.  Nothing remarkable.  Nothing memorable.  Just random thoughts, and random places:

1. Go to the beach
2. Go to the mountains
3. Go to the east coast
4. Go to Washington, D.C.
5. Do something that is remarkable, for which I will be remembered fondly.

Seems rather forgettable, doesn’t it?

It’s a painful reminder that for the past 15 years, I have been unremarkable and very forgettable.

The pain I have inflicted on others, my family in particular, I cannot take back, and I cannot say, “I am truly sorry” enough times to make up for it.

Now that I am retired, maybe in some small way, somehow I can redeem myself before my time is up.  I wish I could undo those terrible, horrible things I did so long ago that got me to where I am today. Oh, how I wish I could.

And now, I feel as though I am racing against the clock on my final lap, yet somehow, fast as I run, much as I try, it’s just not enough.  It will never be enough. 

I won’t be remembered as a great, or even a good father.

I won’t be remembered as a good or even fair husband.

I won’t be remembered as a true or even adequate friend.

No, I’ll be remembered and defined as “that guy that broke the law in November, 2000, and ruined everyone’s life ever since that time.  An evil, distraught, disgusting, retched monster.”

So many regrets.  I wish it was over with yesterday.

I don’t know that I would be any better a second time around either.

Lemonade

“When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade!”

I don’t recall where or when I first heard that, probably in junior high, maybe high school.  The basic premise is that when life, for example, sends trouble or a problem or tragedy your way, you figure how to work through it.  Or, in other words, you make lemonade.

Over the years, through various circumstances, life has thrown me many a curve-ball, and bushels of lemons.  I like to think that I’m pretty good, for the most part, at solving problems and working my way through tough times.

I survived marriage and divorce, the death of my mother (at the tender age of 44, just shy of her 45^th birthday), the passing of both sets of grandparents, my step-father and father, legal issues, and many, many potholes on the autobahn of life.  And, pretty much, came out on the other side in one piece, nonetheless for wear and tear.

How do we manage making that lemonade?  Well, we have our friends, our families, our co-workers, occasionally our bosses, our pets (ever the optimists), Facebook “friends”, our “higher powers”, our online blogs, and well, ourselves.  We talk to ourselves in the mirror every day, console each other, send out tweets and texts, and just generally help each other muddle through.

I’ve found that sometimes I can solve these problems by “sleeping on them”.  That is, letting it go when I’m very tired at night, and then somehow, miraculously in the morning things just seem to work themselves out.  Couldn’t tell you how, but yes, they don’t seem to be the oversized monsters that they were a day earlier.  Other times, listening to music is just enough of a distraction that I drift away, tap my foot, hum or sing along, and then… *BAM!* There it is, plain as the nose on my face.  Still other times, I manage to work through things while putting together a blog piece, like right now.

As I am writing this piece, well, technically, typing it in MS Word, I am 5 days in to moving from a furnished studio apartment (that’s being very generous, by the way) into a completely unfurnished 3 story townhouse just east of the downtown, urban center of the city.  The neighborhood is primarily multi-family homes, townhouses, apartments, and single family house of varying architectural designs.  It’s a pretty typical, bustling neighborhood, lots of activity, average amount of traffic, and very middle class. 

Work hard, play hard, have a sense of humor about yourself and life, and make the best damn lemonade that you can! 

Oh, and don’t forget that lemon slice on the side of your glass as a garnish.

We’re Completely, Absolutely Entitled

It’s a pretty sad state of affairs, actually, but it’s also absolutely true.  We’re entitled. Absolutely and completely.  As a nation, we’re better than everyone and anyone else on the planet, and we make no bones about telling anyone who’ll listen.

Don’t believe me, just open up your web browser and go to just about any site.  You’ll find people displaying bad behaviors and then getting upset at being called out about it.

You’ll see people shouting at workers in drive-through windows at a fast food place, people shouting at customer service people on the phone, people punching and beating each other up, and then posting videos of these atrocities online.  All of this because we can, not because we should, but because we can.

Inside, we feel like we have to.  It’s our duty.  We’ve been “wronged” by this other person and we have to let the entire planet know about it. 

We upload videos and audio clips, pictures, graphics, just anything we can in our desperate attempt to get back at this person for what he/she did to us.

We’re so livid, and so angry, and so pissed off that we don’t take time to think about whether or not we should.

And it’s way beyond just entitlement.  It’s to the point of flat-out stupid behavior. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.

“But what do I do about this?”

That’s a very good question, actually, and the possibilities are limitless. 

One solution is to simply stop using that service, or retail store, or whatever the business happens to be.  

There was a news report on TV recently that sited the number of times a “typical” American teenager posts to the most popular sites online, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. 

Facebook status updates:              50 in one hour.

Instagram “selfie” uploads:           600 in one hour. 

Twitter updates:                             75 in one hour.

This was just for one teenage girl.  What did her mother have to say about it?

“Well, I tried to stop her.  I took her cell phone away, but she just got on her iPad and did it anyway.  So, I took that away and she got on her computer.  What can I do?  I don’t want to hurt her feelings.”

Wow, really??  My suggestion is to take those things away and have her earn them back.  One at-a-time, and then you, her parent, monitor everything she does with those devices.  Parenting is not a spectator sport.  It is, however, one in which you actively participate.  Daily. Hour-by-hour, minute-by-minute.

Now, not being a “user” on any of these sites, I can only assume that there must be a fire somewhere in which those teens are involved, otherwise, why the “need” to post pretty much the same information on those particular sites over a sixty minute period?

Instagram is the one where you’d post pictures, selfies, if you will.  600 in one hour though?  Yeah, that seems a bit excessive.  I mean, really, does one physically change that much in one hour?  Now, I could understand, particularly with teenage girls, if you’d just gotten your hair or nails done and you wanted to share that with your friends, sure, it almost makes sense.

Facebook status updates. Hmm, not sure about the “need” for these at all. 

Got up.  Went to bathroom.  No movement this morning; will try again in an hour.  Having coffee. Cat scratched me for “stealing” the newspaper from her.  (Note to self:  No kitty treats for Ms. Fluffie this afternoon.)  Ha! Even I don’t find updates that interesting.

Twitter?  Aren’t those just text messages from mobile devices that go through a server at the Twitter Offices in Cupertino, California?  Hardly seems worth it just to let a third party read your private texts.  Unless, of course, they’re “sexts”.  That would almost be worthwhile.  (Oh, wait.  Teens are already sending each other nude pictures through Instagram.)

It’s one thing to report bad behaviors of a certain nature (inappropriate behaviors from wait staff, or a sales clerk), but to then publicly shame that person on social media for the entire planet to see.  Yeah. Wow. Way overboard.

Step back, and take a deep breath.  Count to 10, because I’m telling you, in 10 years, hey, in 5 years, none of those rants and nasty comments and explicit videos or audio clips will matter to anyone, anywhere.   Remember the "Yer gettin' a Dell, dude?"  Yeah, me neither.  Or "Alex-From-Target"? 

But, those things could very well get your fired from your job.  It’s happened, more often that you think.  Employers absolutely follow your activity on social media.  And some even, DO, have eyes in the back of their heads.

So, just perhaps, the next time you feel like going off on someone “just to prove a point”, the next time you’re about to press “Send” in order to upload that video to YouTube, step back and breathe.

Bottom line:  It’s probably not worth it.

Your Favorite TV Places

What are some of your favorite fictional TV, comic book, and other literary places from your childhood?

These are some of mine.

7 Reasons You Should Quit Facebook in 2015

Every once in a while, we come across news articles that really "speaks" to us.  Following is one such article. It's from Men's Journals online site and written by contributor, Matthew Kitchen.  Enjoy!

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Ten years ago Facebook was just cresting as the cool new social media site that helped you keep in touch with the people you didn’t actually like in high school. We fed it our thoughts and feelings, shared our meals and locations and our top ten movie lists, kept it up-to-date on our relationship status, political views, favorite links, and personal information — all in the name of staying connected, and all without a thought to our security. But with a decade of questions regarding how Facebook makes money now answered, and a general understanding of how sharing information online can be dangerous (while the platform constantly updates its security protocol), we continue to use it anyway, even though many of us are just checking in as ritual and have threatened our exit from Facebook for years.
Of course, screen time in moderation is, for the most part, perfectly acceptable, and social media can offer a few genuinely beneficial uses. But before you log in or tap that app on your smartphone again, here are a few reasons to quit Facebook in 2015.
1.         It Wastes Your Time
It's estimated that the average casual user (17 minutes per day on Facebook) who has been active on the site for 10 years has wasted upwards of 40 entire days of their lives scrolling and liking and commenting on pictures and posts. And more engaged users, who spend at least an hour a day on the site, have clocked 150 days feeding the Facebook beast during the same time. Think about how long you spend on the site each day, and what else could be a more productive use of your time.
2.         Facebook Uses You to Sell Stuff...
In 2012, the site manipulated posts from 689,000 accounts without consent in an experiment that examined whether or not it could affect your emotions by making a few edits on your page. The study was done, according to Facebook, to "improve our services and to make the content people see on Facebook as relevant and engaging as possible." Skeptics think it was really used to discover the monetary benefit of a Like. COO Sheryl Sandberg later apologized, adding that they "never meant to upset you."

3.         And Targets You with Advertisements
One time you wanted to buy a thing, and then you searched for that thing, and six months later Facebook is still reminding you that you should think about buying that thing, even if you already bought the thing. Yes, most sites do this thanks to embedded cookies, but only Facebook seamlessly posts these ads in your timeline with enough regularity that you can only assume your friend has an odd obsession with the latest Norelco razor.
4.         It's Bad for Your Health
Facebook isn't just a harmless website dedicated to cataloging your vacations, poor wardrobe choices, and myopic thoughts on sporting events (which can both define or destroy relationships), it can actually do you harm. Studies hint that it can impact your immune system and inhibit the release of growth hormones, impair digestion and vision, limit thinking and kill creativity, and affect sleep patterns and happiness.
5.         "Who Are These People, Anyway?"
The average adult has 338 friends on Facebook and probably doesn't know more than 10 percent of them anymore, or at all. Many of them likely have new lives, some have new last names, new passions, new facial hair, and new humans they're now responsible for keeping alive (read: babies). These are not the friends you knew, and semi-casually keeping up with them is a waste of time that could be better spent with new, real friends. Or on Twitter.
6.         "But I Don't Care About Privacy"
Fair. That's your right. But the problem is that we're setting precedent for the future without yet understanding how it will affect the free and open Web, and simultaneously creating an internet that relies on you having a Facebook account to access sites that are not Facebook. As one of nearly 1.2 billion users to date, odds are decent that your account won't be hacked by someone with ill-will toward your family. That doesn't mean that permitting easy access to your information goes without consequence, both immediately and decades from now.
7.         Nothing You Post Actually Matters
Very few people care what you're doing, whom you're with, where you're eating, or what you just bought, and the people who do were probably right next to you when you did it. We all saw that funny Ice Bucket Challenge video, and if we didn’t see it, it's fine. We're all fine. You'll sleep well without knowing which childhood toys you owned are now worth a fortune, and you will absolutely "believe what happened next" on Upworthy, because someone took time to write about it. These articles only exist because you share them on Facebook, and you only share them because they exist. So, instead, just invite a friend over to talk about how much you both loved Save By the Bell. The internet can only take so much nostalgia.

If you're serious about quitting Facebook today, you can do it right now by clicking here.

 Link to the original story on Men’s Journal online:

http://www.mensjournal.com/gear/collection/why-were-getting-off-facebook-in-2015-20141231

– Matthew Kitchen

In Memory Of Our Friend, Leonard Nimoy

From "The Simpsons"
Stardate: 03/01/2015