King Alphonse and The Comfortable Rut

“King Alphonse & The Comfortable Rut”

Alice Fanning was a Saint.  Well, maybe not a Saint, per se, but very close.  She was my Mother-In-Law for 14 of the 16 years I was married.

She was a very devout Catholic, attending church every Sunday, whether she was in her home town of Idaho Falls or not.  Alice said the Rosary every night, and quite often during the daytime as well.

I met her in the spring of 1980 when she came to Portland for her daughter, Judy’s, rehearsal dinner for the upcoming summer wedding.  At that time, she’d been a widower for about 7 years.  We struck up an instant friendship when we met and I could tell this was going to be a fun family to be a member of.

Alice Fanning in her salmon-colored gown                       

She was a school teacher, in what she described as a “one-room schoolhouse, many, many years ago, sort of like ‘Little House on the Prairie’.”  She taught all grades from First to Eighth and all subjects as well. 

The wedding went off without a hitch, and soon Judy and I were well into our careers.  I had just finished my Bachelors degree and was teaching private preschool, and my wife was working as a bookkeeper for a local wholesaler.

In December 1980, Judy and I flew to Idaho Falls from Portland; it was my first time being on a plane.  I’m afraid that I was a white knuckle flyer, clenching onto the armrests with all my strength.  Even a couple of cocktails didn’t help, although I didn’t seem to care about dropping out of the sky as much. 

Wouldn’t you just know it? When we landed in Idaho Falls they were experiencing one of the driest winters on record.  Oh sure, it was cold enough, but no snow.  A drought.  It did, however, make getting around the sleepy little town very easy though.  On our first night there we went to a little lounge in the old downtown area that overlooked the falls.  This is where I learned a couple of important things:

1)     The “falls” in Idaho Falls were actually man-made, and

2)     Alice loved a good cocktail.  In particular a King Alphonse.

Now, something I must mention about Alice.  She was a wonderful Mother-In-Law, very loving, independent, self-assured, and very wise.  Her memory on certain things, however, left a bit to be desired, specifically the two main ingredients of a King Alphonse.  She was positive that it was made from brandy and cream, and the poor bartender, God Bless Him, tried and tried to get the cream to float on the brandy.  Well, if you know anything about those two ingredients, you can’t float one on the other.  Oh, but he tried! 

Finally, he got it pretty close and rushed it over to Alice.  We all waited in anticipation for her thumbs-up.  You could hear a pin drop.  The look on her face was priceless.  Her eyes had bugged-out to the size of melons, and you could hear an audible, “Mmhmm,” as she cleared her throat to speak.

“I’m not sure that’s quite it.”  We all laughed at that!

As it turns out, a King Alphonse is actually made one of two ways.  It is either crème de cacao or coffee liqueur and cream.  Brandy, well, um, no.  Brandy is better straight up or on the rocks in a snifter. 

From this little soiree, Alice henceforth became known as “King Alphonse” of Idaho Falls a title she wore well.

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Sometime a few years later, after we moved into our first home, we got a phone call from Alice.  It was her weekly call, and we looked forward to it with great anticipation.

“How are things in your kingdom?” she’d ask.

“Oh, pretty good.  We’re enjoying a bit of a heat wave here, and as you know that never lasts in Portland.”  We’d chuckle at this point.

“Ah, just going along in your comfortable rut, I see,” she’d reply.

A “comfortable rut” is that routine that we all strive for when our work, our home lives, our personal lives, and the lives of our loved ones are all in sync; everything is right with the world. 

The other kind of rut is when you’re feeling blue, a bit down, or in a funk.  You can’t quite put your finger on it, but things aren’t just right for whatever reason.

With us, whether Alice was around or not, we were generally in a very comfortable rut.  God Bless Her.